March 13, 2011.
But I came to a realization that day, that I may be regretting now.
That day I read the story of Jesus' baptism. Its a familiar one. You know the characters. John the Baptist, Jesus, the Holy Spirit in dove form. You know the setting, the Jordan River. But do you know the plot? Because the realization I came to that day is the fact that the Baptism isn't the climax to the story: its the introduction. Its the beginning of Jesus' ministry. And the fascinating thing is that after Jesus is baptized, he didn't go right into ministry.
He went into the desert.
I waited a long time to publicly confess my faith and it wasn't until that day that I really understood why. My baptism marked the beginning of my ministry, just as it did for Jesus. I told my best friend that day that I knew that the next few months for me was going to be my time in the desert. (Yea. I forgot God hears all our conversations.) And it has been. Not like some of the deserts I've been through before in my life, but definitely a desert. I feel this anxiousness, a lack of control as I wait for my time in ministry to begin. There is so much uncertainty surrounding my time overseas next year and even more uncertainty surrounding my time afterwards. And if you know me, you know that I don't do well with sitting around. I'm definitely not the best at unknown. For years, in fact, I told people that was my biggest fear.
What I'm realizing now is that I need this time. I need this time of preparation. I need this time to sit and rest and listen to God. I need this time to trust.
So if you're reading this, don't worry about me. I will survive. My time in the desert doesn't include forty days of fasting (thankfully!), but it has been difficult. And I'm sure, it won't get any easier. But I am thankful for this time because I know that God is with me. And He will prepare me.
Peace and love.